If Patience is a virtue.....

I'm a virtueless girl. Let me share with you how my work days have been going. I probably actually work about 2 hours a day. The rest of the time I am glued to the Rumor Queen site and the Yahoo Group boards hoping beyond hope that someone is going to post the referrals have been mailed out. It's been 24 days since the last batch of referrals. We're getting e-mails almost daily from our agency now which tells me that they know things are going to be coming down the pike soon. I kind of wish though that I'd stop getting e-mails that say, "We don't anything yet...." My heart gets all excited when I see the e-mail..and then the inevitable let down. I have an illustration about how this process has beaten me down. A friend of mine sent me an e-mail today with a link to a news story. Her e-mail said, "I didn't know if you've seen this." My immediate reaction was "Oh no, China has shut down international adoption." Of course it was just an article about someone we used to work with....but I think the point has been made.... a week before our referral and I'm still terrified. I guess I will be until we actually hold Zoe/Jack in our arms.

Oh, a little about the names we have chosen... If we are referred a girl her name will be Zoe Katherine and if it's a boy he will be Jackson (Jack) Eric. Zoe was Eric's grandmother's name and Katherine was my sister's name. My sister passed away when she was 18 and I was 10. I've always known that if I had a girl I would give her Kathy's name. It will not be her first name because I thought that might be too hard for my family members. We just love the name Jack and it means God's Gracious Gift, which seems fitting. I want Eric's name in our son's name and Jack Eric doesn't really flow so we will give him the more formal name of Jackson and just call him Jack.

In brief other news, Eric and I may check out some new homes that are being built near us this weekend. The incentives are good, the prices are way down compared to last year, and it's the area we want to live in. I'm nervous about selling the townhome though. We LOVE our townhome but are just worried about the stairs and the lack of play space on the main area. If anyone has any insight into the real estate market, I'd love to hear it.

Why aren't you seizing the boy?

I have a big head, and little arms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWoM8Fr1z4w

Seriously, cracks me up!

Things are heating up

Well, I'm still learning about clipart so my flame wasn't supposed to be so huge! Rumors are all over the place now which means we're getting close. I almost had a heart attack when I read on Rumor Queen that someone had gotten "the call", but it turns out it was the wrong call. If the call comes next week the plan is to not tell our parents until we're all together at Easter. I'm not sure if I'll post the details here or tell anyone until we tell our family.....something just makes me think they should know first. I told my mom that I was pretty sure we were getting a boy so she ran out and bought a boy bib. I laughed about her inability to wait two more weeks until we know for sure. It warms my heart that everyone is so excited for us. Spring break is next week for Eric and I and I'm hoping to get some things done in the baby's room, like putting up the crib.

On the illness front, my voice is a little more Jessica Rabbit and a lot less 12 year old boy than it was over the weekend. It's an improvement :)

Look what came in the mail

Look what came in the mail yesterday! It's an adorable Colts jersey and bib from one of our waiting friends. The package was such a surprise and completely brightened my day. Eric was so excited to see it when he got home from work. Zoe/Jack will be sporting the jersey every Sunday (and in a Red Couch photo). I think the bib may have to be framed because I can't imagine Eric allowing any food to stain it :)

I took the picture with our brand new camera that came today. I'm still learning all of its basics. I need to take a picture of Eric in the cool basketball jersey he wore to play in his PTA basketball game. Unfortunately I wasn't able to go because I'm still sick with no voice. I was cheering him on in spirit though. Hoping (again) that next week brings a bunch of referral rumors our way!

What a week

What a week it has been. I'm sick. Like that sick you feel when you're not sure you'll ever feel better again. Occupational hazard of working with small children. Hopefully I'm doing my time now so that I don't get sick when we're in China. Also, some jerk stole my credit card number and downloaded a bunch of expensive software. American Express has been great but it's really creepy to know someone has your information. I'm really concerned about it because I never use that card to shop, but have it linked to my toll road pass, a music download place and a book of the month club. So pretty much it has to be an employee of one of those three places that stole the information. Luckily the card was in my maiden name so that my last name and social security number won't match. I know they have my address since one of their downloads came with a useless CD that was mailed to my house. It makes me think twice about re-linking those places to a credit card. Of course with the toll road you kind of need to or you'll be one of those people in the Express Lane with the toll not opening because you're out of money on the pass and everyone honking at you. I hate those people :) Okay, off to nap.

Needing to Know

I thought that this last month of waiting was going to be relaxing, boy was I ever wrong. While I've definitely had my moments throughout this wait I feel like I've been relatively calm (relative compared to how I can be :) ), until now. Now, with probably 2.5 weeks to go I feel this urgency to know if we're going to be referred a boy or a girl? How old? I've held off on shopping for clothes and things because of these unknowns. How can I be so impatient when we're almost there? My anxiety has also caught up to me in my dreams. Twice now in the past week I've dreamt that the CCAA skipped us. Last night it was because I forgot to send in our marriage certificate. My friend who has biological kids tells me that this is really common in the last trimester, these feelings of anxiety. I think that until now I've never let myself believe that this would actually happen, that we'd be referred a child. There have been so many roadblocks and detours.... I know those of you reading this understand. Until this last month I've always thought of our referral as "the kid" as in "when we get the kid". Now when I think of the baby it's "our" or "my" baby (or toddler as the case may be). Taking ownership and allowing myself to feel and experience all of this is wonderful, but it's also making these last couple of weeks unbearable. I think it will also make me appreciate getting our referral even more.

This is Us....

This is a picture of Eric and I on our wedding day, June 19, 2004. I have to say it was the happiest day of my life thus far. Possibly only to be rivaled by the day we finally meet our child in China. Okay, so now that I'm more comfortable with blogger I can get into the purpose of this blog. I've been meaning to keep a journal of our adoption story but have thus far failed to do so. Since I'm always on the computer anyway, I thought this might be easier. I've also really enjoyed reading the adoption blogs of others over the past year. We have been waiting for almost 17 months for our referral. We started our paper chase on our first wedding anniversary and were logged in with the CCAA on October 26, 2005. When we started the adoption process, the wait was six months. We thought we'd have been home for almost a year now with our child....but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men... In a way the extra time has really been great. Eric and I have had more time to be just a couple and enjoy married life. We've been very fortunate to meet some wonderful people in the China adoption community with our agency who share a LID very close to ours. We're looking forward to traveling with them in a couple of months! (Finally, I can say that). Come on CCAA, we're ready for our referral.

Herman with his baby

This is our dog Herman. Is he not the cutest puppy? He thinks he's people. I woke him up from a nap to take the picture so that's why he looks so sleepy. He's not really a puppy anymore. Eric and I adopted him when he was three years old (he's 8 now) from a friend who didn't have time to care for him. Note: We did not name him but doesn't he look like a Herman? When we got him he was a mess, he had complete separation anxiety from being crated for up to 12 hours a day. He is now the most loving, wonderful dog. He's 50 pounds but a total lap dog. He's not happy unless he's touching at least one of us. He is the current baby of the family. He's really great with kids, but I don't know how he'll be having to share the attention with our little one. This first "real" post is an attempt to post a picture. Hope it works!

First Post

Hello! Just trying to get a hang of posting.