In China, It's Zoe's Birthday

It's September 3rd in China, Zoe's first birthday, and somewhere in the Jiangxi province a year ago a woman had either given birth to, or was preparing to give birth to, the little miracle in my life. I imagine she's thinking about Zoe today too. I can't imagine going through an experience such as childbirth and not thinking of the life you created. I hope somehow she can sense that Zoe is safe and happy. I imagine she has no idea that the child she created is living a life half a world away. Maybe she is at peace thinking that Zoe is being cared for at the Fengxin SWI, maybe she even walks by every now and again. We'll never know the reasons that Zoe was abandoned. It is easy to blame the political situation in China for her abandonment, but it's possible that Zoe was given up for reasons thousands of American birthmom's relinquish custody of their children every year. Giving Zoe up may have been the most difficult decision of her life, or maybe it was the easiest. We will never know and honestly, the only person on this half of the world who needs to come to terms with the reasons, or lack of knowledge of the reasons, is Zoe. Adopting from China is unique in that there is no paper trail, we'll probably never know who Zoe's birthmother and father are...but how can I not know two people and yet know them so well. I know they are beautiful and smart. I know that they are probably shy at first but warm up quickly to strangers. I know they have a curiosity about the world and a desire to share what they are thinking . I know they probably have laughs and a crooked smile that lights up the room they are in. I know this about them, because I see them in Zoe every day. Who Zoe becomes will be influenced by the four parents who have made her life possible. I only hope she is able to take the best traits from the four of us to become her best person.

The one last thought I have stems from the blogs or stories I have read where adoptive parents have an anger towards their child's birthparents for abadoning them. I've read where people have said that they, under no circumstances or political pressure, would ever abandon their child. To them I say, "There but for the grace of God go I." It's easy when you're sitting on this side of the fence to make those comments. There are two truths I do know about Zoe's abadonment. One is that her birthmother did not have to sacrifice her body or her life for nine months to give birth to Zoe. The second is that, upon knowing she would not raise Zoe, she did not have to place Zoe so lovingly in a safe location where she would be so quickly found. Those two choices have made our life complete. And for those two choices I will forever be profoundly grateful.

So with all that I made a decision that every year on September 2nd (the 3rd in China) I'm going to write a letter to Zoe's birthmom telling her about the year Zoe has had. I don't imagine I will ever give them to her or anyone in her family; although genetic testing being what it is, but maybe the letters may mean something to Zoe when she's older. September 3rd in the U.S. will always be about Zoe, but it seems right to reflect on her birthmother and father on the 2nd.