Needing to Know

I thought that this last month of waiting was going to be relaxing, boy was I ever wrong. While I've definitely had my moments throughout this wait I feel like I've been relatively calm (relative compared to how I can be :) ), until now. Now, with probably 2.5 weeks to go I feel this urgency to know if we're going to be referred a boy or a girl? How old? I've held off on shopping for clothes and things because of these unknowns. How can I be so impatient when we're almost there? My anxiety has also caught up to me in my dreams. Twice now in the past week I've dreamt that the CCAA skipped us. Last night it was because I forgot to send in our marriage certificate. My friend who has biological kids tells me that this is really common in the last trimester, these feelings of anxiety. I think that until now I've never let myself believe that this would actually happen, that we'd be referred a child. There have been so many roadblocks and detours.... I know those of you reading this understand. Until this last month I've always thought of our referral as "the kid" as in "when we get the kid". Now when I think of the baby it's "our" or "my" baby (or toddler as the case may be). Taking ownership and allowing myself to feel and experience all of this is wonderful, but it's also making these last couple of weeks unbearable. I think it will also make me appreciate getting our referral even more.